I'm so happy that spring has arrived. Everything just looks better with a little sunshine on it. Granted, it also makes me want to clean house like crazy, but mostly I just enjoy the sunny warmth on my skin and watching the kids happily play outside.

So this should tell you a little something about how it ended up. Again. Unfortunately. Here's the part that came before:
My first labor ended with an unplanned c-section, and although at the time I was relieved that it was over, I was bummed beyond belief that I didn't deliver my baby naturally and felt like a big loser. This is supposed to be the thing every woman in the history of the world can do. Well, not me, and it took me months to get over the disappointment and feeling that my body had failed me. Now, three and half years later, I still think it would have been a great experience but know that in the business of being a mom, it really doesn't matter how they came into this world, for that is just the beginning.
Almost two years after my c-section, I gave birth naturally to a premature baby at 23 weeks. Though the circumstances were heartbreaking, the birth itself greatly empowered me. So when, a year later, I was due to give birth again, we decided I'd try a VBAC (vaginal birth after c-section). The doctors were on board with it and gave me a little over 60% chance of success. Sounded good to me!
A week after my due date I looked like this:


We decided I should be induced. So on June 5th, 2010, we headed to the hospital, feeling prepared and ready for things to come. After I was hooked up to all the machinery it appeared that my body really wasn't ready to give birth because I was not dilated at all and nothing happened for hours on end. Finally, I started having regular contractions. Still hours later I was 2cm dilated and they were ready to break my water in hopes of increasing the strength of my contractions. This is where things got hectic.
When my water broke, the doctor and nurse standing at my bed required a change of clothes, that's how much water came out, all at once (I guess you could tell from the size of my belly, there was a lot of water). Immediately my contractions became more intense, which was thrilling, but I was also ready for an epidural. Minutes after, the nurse checked my progress, but instead of mentioning the number of centimeters, she looked worried and said she would get the doctor in. The doctor checked my progress as well, and said that although I had gone from 2 to 4 cm in a mere ten minutes, the umbilical cord had dropped down in front of our baby's head (from the force of the water) and we needed to have a c-section, right now, because every contraction was preventing the blood flow to our baby. I was rushed to the O.R. and thankful I could stay awake for the procedure. Fifteen minutes later, our baby Tijl was born, a big, healthy boy who came out screaming (the loveliest sound to me).

Abe meeting his little brother

So, no VBAC for me, and this time I had to make peace with the fact that I wouldn't get another shot at it. Since this was my second c-section, I have now become a planned c-section mother. And it's fine. I've come to realize that what's important is that they are here with us, not how they got here. And although I will probably always have a little envy in my heart for every girlfriend and sister who delivers her baby naturally, I'm okay with it. And next time I go in to deliver a baby, I will have my hair and nails done, and get a facial the day before. And come out shining. How's that?

I just watched the most amazing pregnancy and birth video and just have to share! So endearing and so well done, without being sappy at all. Really. Go watch it. You'll love it.

Our lives are hectic. It's a constant flow of coming and going, bringing and picking up, and then making sure dinner's done at six and everyone's bathed and ready for bed by 7.30pm. Sometimes this goes rather effortlessly, and sometimes (most of the time, actually), it requires effort, concentration, and patience.
Another day done, another day gone. Looking back at the pictures, I wish then I hadn't been so concerned with getting everything done right, or in time, but instead enjoyed the moment and been a little more relaxed. Good enough will do, it doesn't need to be perfect. I think Anna Quindlen articulated these feelings beautifully in her article "On Being a Mom," and this sentence stands out to me (though the whole thing is pretty darn good and worthy of reading!):

"I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less"


Gorgeous, right? I'm going to convert this sentence to present time and then hang it somewhere on a wall in our house as a daily reminder. Do you have any favorite motherhood quotes?

I know I'm a bit late on this, but I'm still looking for a year calendar. I know, we're three months into 2011 already and honestly, I thought I'd skip this year, calendar wise, but I can't do it. I miss having one around just about every day. The last couple of years we made photo calendars in iPhoto, and though they are lovely, I wanted a change this year. Hence, the delay. Because whatever it is has to top all those lovely family pics we've gotten used to looking at.
Here's two ideas I really love. The first is from Gabrielle a.k.a. Design Mom, who managed to find time to DIY a lovely pastel colored monthly calendar. Here's what that looks like (photo courtesy of Design Mom):

Hi there. I apologize for the mess. Here, on my blog. I've been switching templates (or attempting to, anyway) this past week, and finding out how to as I go. I'm not so tech-savvy after all. In the process, I lost all of my widgets and fonts. Sigh. I'll get it fixed. In the meantime, bear with me please, and here's one last pic of winter (as far as I'm concerned), 'cause this girl is ready for spring!
Have a good weekend!

our August 2008 wedding

Husband R. and I have been married two-and-a-half years now, and we've been together for eight. I sometimes find this hard to believe; our courtship feels like it was only yesterday. There's about a thousand ways you can meet your future husband and fall in love. This is our story.

It was the summer of 2002 and I was celebrating being single again (that's what you do in college, you celebrate). I had just turned 22 and had that joyful feeling of the world being at my feet. One morning, I awoke from a dream about my high school years. It was a happy dream, but left me puzzled all the same. In it I saw future husband R. walking down the hall of our school. --Here I need to provide you with some background information. Husband R. and I attended the same high school. He is five years older than me and so we had very little to do with each other. I thought he was wildly attractive and had a crush. In all those years, we only had one conversation, which lasted exactly one minute. It is etched in my mind. Back to my dream now.-- So, I was thoroughly confused when I woke up. It had been at least six years since I'd seen him and hadn't really thought about him after high school anymore. The dream stayed with me all day, as did a feeling of excitement about having seen him (well, in the dream at least). Finally, I decided that Google was my friend and looked him up (sounds stalkerish, no?). My heart beating fast as I found his name, photo, and e-mail address on a student association website. He was in college, too (not mine), studying civil engineering.

As these things go, I phoned a girlfriend to relate the story. "Why don't you e-mail him?" she said. I didn't dare. Then, one day later, I was feeling particularly brave, and without thinking twice, wrote the e-mail and hit send. Immediately I regretted this and frantically searched for a way to unsend it. Within 24 hours, he replied. The e-mail was empty. I replied once again and so did he. We re-introduced ourselves and told our stories of the past six years. E-mailing then turned to talking on the phone, which led to our first dinner date. That first meeting was surreal. Sparks flying everywhere as we shook hands. We hit it off. Six months after that, we became an item, and four years later, with the birth of our son Abe, became a family.

So, you could say we met online, or you could say I married my high school crush. I prefer the latter. What's your story?