It's June! And around here that means not only nice weather and a general feeling of joy that summer has started, it's also the start of birthday season. Now I don't know what it is about September, but people sure seem to enjoy making babies in that month! ;)

We kicked off the June birthdays fest with my brother-in-law Marvin, who turned 31 on June 2nd. Sadly we couldn't make it to his little party because my baby overslept that afternoon (I know, when does that ever happen?!). And then there was the BIG party we'd I'd been planning since April: our little baby boy Tijl turned one on June 5th. All these thoughts flooding my mind that morning: I can't believe my failed attempt at a VBAC was already a year ago! It feels like him being a newborn lasted for all of one week. Was I really that big right before giving birth? Was I really that big after giving birth?! Happily these thoughts faded to the background as people started coming in to celebrate and our little one year old so enjoyed all the attention. Here are some pics of that fun day:

I made a birthday photo garland with pics from each month of his first year.

Big guy for a one year old, huh? Oh wait, that's big brother Abe trying on Tijl's party hat!

I Everybody loved these! So much fun to look at and they were delicious, too!  The idea is from Stacey at Elle Belle Creative

Here's what was left of those lovely cupcakes after Tijl dug into them! He devoured that thing in five minutes by the way!

I thought this looked so cheerful! I sprinkled photofetti on the table for additional festivity

Here's a closer look at the photofetti. Loved it.

And here's the birthday boy showing off his moves and his favorite present.

Coincidentally, he took his very first step (minus help from walker, that is!) on his birthday, surrounded by family. I thought that was the coolest. Only sad part is nobody had a camera on hand to capture the moment... Oh well, I'm sure there'll be plenty of opportunities to capture first (well, second) steps on camera and film in the weeks to come.

Moving right along to June 9th (yep that was yesterday), which is my and my dad's birthday (true story!). I am now officially 31, and that means I'll have to post my list of things to accomplish in my thirties pretty soon. Since yesterday was a weekday, we didn't celebrate much yet (aside from breakfast in bed, a gift from my boys, and going for ice cream after dinner...wait that sounds like a celebration doesn't it?), so hubby is taking me out tonight. Think dinner, drinks and a hotel. Whoop whoop! (do people still say that or is the fact that I just said it testimony to me getting being old??)
And on Sunday the festivities continue with a backyard gathering at my dad's house. After all, it was his birthday, too!

The 29th is my mother-in-law's birthday, and then we have one spill-over in early July, when our little man Abe turns four! We suck at planning because his due date was June 24th but the little party pooper stayed put till July 8th. I'm thinking he didn't want to share a birth date :)

And that's all the birthday goodness for a while for us. November is another crazy birthday month, but luckily that's still a couple months away. So for now here's a big Happy Birthday to all you June-ers (not really a word, I know..)!!!

So this should tell you a little something about how it ended up. Again. Unfortunately. Here's the part that came before:
My first labor ended with an unplanned c-section, and although at the time I was relieved that it was over, I was bummed beyond belief that I didn't deliver my baby naturally and felt like a big loser. This is supposed to be the thing every woman in the history of the world can do. Well, not me, and it took me months to get over the disappointment and feeling that my body had failed me. Now, three and half years later, I still think it would have been a great experience but know that in the business of being a mom, it really doesn't matter how they came into this world, for that is just the beginning.
Almost two years after my c-section, I gave birth naturally to a premature baby at 23 weeks. Though the circumstances were heartbreaking, the birth itself greatly empowered me. So when, a year later, I was due to give birth again, we decided I'd try a VBAC (vaginal birth after c-section). The doctors were on board with it and gave me a little over 60% chance of success. Sounded good to me!
A week after my due date I looked like this:


We decided I should be induced. So on June 5th, 2010, we headed to the hospital, feeling prepared and ready for things to come. After I was hooked up to all the machinery it appeared that my body really wasn't ready to give birth because I was not dilated at all and nothing happened for hours on end. Finally, I started having regular contractions. Still hours later I was 2cm dilated and they were ready to break my water in hopes of increasing the strength of my contractions. This is where things got hectic.
When my water broke, the doctor and nurse standing at my bed required a change of clothes, that's how much water came out, all at once (I guess you could tell from the size of my belly, there was a lot of water). Immediately my contractions became more intense, which was thrilling, but I was also ready for an epidural. Minutes after, the nurse checked my progress, but instead of mentioning the number of centimeters, she looked worried and said she would get the doctor in. The doctor checked my progress as well, and said that although I had gone from 2 to 4 cm in a mere ten minutes, the umbilical cord had dropped down in front of our baby's head (from the force of the water) and we needed to have a c-section, right now, because every contraction was preventing the blood flow to our baby. I was rushed to the O.R. and thankful I could stay awake for the procedure. Fifteen minutes later, our baby Tijl was born, a big, healthy boy who came out screaming (the loveliest sound to me).

Abe meeting his little brother

So, no VBAC for me, and this time I had to make peace with the fact that I wouldn't get another shot at it. Since this was my second c-section, I have now become a planned c-section mother. And it's fine. I've come to realize that what's important is that they are here with us, not how they got here. And although I will probably always have a little envy in my heart for every girlfriend and sister who delivers her baby naturally, I'm okay with it. And next time I go in to deliver a baby, I will have my hair and nails done, and get a facial the day before. And come out shining. How's that?

I'm blushing. Turns out I wasn't able to function outside of baby-mode for almost nine months... Well, maybe not really that long, but in any case, life got in the way of blogging. So what have I been up to all this time? Mainly, taking care of baby Tijl, and let me introduce him to you here. Here he is, as a newborn, a four-month old, and now:

Yes, time flies. We are a few days removed from his turning 9 months old already and his personality is really starting to shine through. What he's like? A delight, a hand-full, rambunctious, smiley and full of life. I'll share more of our life with him as we go.
Something else that has kept me occupied lately is studying. I am working on my thesis to obtain a master's degree in American Studies. I've been at it a while (being a mom sometimes slows things down a little) and want to finish before summer, so I have my work cut out for me. It's good for me to be focused on something other than diapers and bottles a couple times a week, though.
So, there we are. If you gave up on reading this blog during my months-long absence, I don't blame you. And to those who patiently awaited my return: thank you, so happy to see you again!

Hi all,

As I am entering my final four weeks of pregnancy, I will be taking a blogging break. I had planned on blogging up to the final week at least, but my mind is quickly becoming absorbed by all things baby and this time around I am going to give in to that feeling. So, I'm going into fulltime nesting mode now, making sure everything is ready in time for his (hopefully timely) arrival. I will of course share the news (and pics!) when he gets here, and as soon as my mind is able to do anything else besides think baby thoughts, I will get back into the blogging game.
Here's to maternity leave! See you all soon!

                                          Photo of me on the due date of my firstborn

Are you familiar with the term babymoon? Originally, it refers to the period right after birth, where the new mom and dad spend time with their baby, bonding and getting acquainted. In the last couple of years, however, it has taken on the meaning of one last getaway together of the mom- and dad-to-be. Baby gets to tag along too, but in mom's belly.
I've never been on a babymoon but I like the idea, especially for first-time parents. Despite all the reading you've done and the advice you've gotten and the courses you've followed, there really is nothing that can adequately prepare you for the roller coaster of emotions you go through when your baby is born, and how he or she changes the equation (including the one of your relationship with your partner) in such a major way. And while I think it is beautiful that most couples can't wait for those final two months of pregnancy to be over so they get to meet their offspring, I can't stop myself from telling them to please enjoy these very last, very intimate weeks together being 'just the two of you.' Things will, after all, never be the same again, and if all goes well, the next time it'll be just the two of you, you'll be well into your forties (if not fifties). So, savor this time, and go on a trip to somewhere that looks like this:

While we never did that particular babymoon (I'm sorry to say..), we've decided to go on a babymoon of sorts this time, but we're taking the family. And by family, I mean not just our almost three-year-old, but my siblings and all of my cousins as well. Luckily, our family isn't that big, so it'll be a party of 11 in total, but still more than just the two of us. Also, the location will look nothing like that dreamy, lovely picture above. Instead, we are in for an activity-filled weekend at a family-friendly park that looks more like this:

In one of my previous posts I mentioned that we had agreed on a name for our baby boy. While I'm thrilled that this is the case, and that it happened relatively early, it has its drawbacks. With our first baby, finding the perfect name was a lenghty process that involved lots and lots of lists and discussions. We ended up writing down our top three names on a piece of paper and hashed it out over breakfast in a cute little breakfast place. After that, however, it took us a long time to really get used to his name, even after he was born.
This time it's been a little different. No real lists, no discussions. I mentioned a name I'd seen in a magazine and husband reacted by saying: "yeah, that might be a nice one." We pretty much left it at that and postponed the naming discussions until after the 20-week ultrasound. In the meantime (and ever since), though, when referring to our unborn baby, we called him "..." (the name we have in mind, not to be disclosed till he's born). This happened so often, that about a month ago, we decided it would be weird to change his name now, since we'd both gotten so used to it. A little too much so, as it turns out.
This weekend, my dad was over to help with the nursery when husband referred to our baby. Except instead of actually saying "our baby," he called him by his name. That's how much the name is in our system already. We were both stunned for a second and looked at my dad. He realized the mistake we'd just made and started to laugh, but was sorry that he'd not heard it properly. -Phew- We are going to have to be extra careful these last seven weeks...
I don't know about you, but I like to keep baby's name our little secret until he's actually born. Old-fashioned, right? What are your thoughts on this?

Now I know I have a good nine weeks of pregnancy ahead of me, but the birth of baby has been occupying my mind lately. My history in delivering babies is this: one unplanned C-section after 42 weeks of pregnancy and 12 hours of labor, and one very premature natural birth with epidural in the birth of our little angel at 23 weeks of pregnancy. Both deliveries were pretty hard.
In spite of my less-than-ideal history with delivering babies, though, I am rather looking forward to not scared of going through it all again. What has been keeping me busy is how this baby will be born. Will I need another C-section (I pray that I don't)? If it's a natural birth, do I do it the natural way or with epidural? Lately, I've been inclined to go with the epidural because I know from experience that once my body gets going with the contractions, I'll have a maximum of 20 to 30 seconds between them, which is pretty hard to endure for hours on end. I am not a 0-to-10cm-in-3-hours-kind-of-girl, unfortunately.
Like I said, I was leaning towards an epidural, until I read Jill Di Pietro's hypnobirthing story on Design Mom. What an amazing birth! This is how I imagined giving birth was when I was pregnant the first time and had taken birthing classes. I was going to deliver my baby at home in a birthing tub, with just my husband and a midwife there, and lots of candles and soft music in the background. I was in shock when it turned out to be just a big, bloody, painful mess and I became quite sceptical of people who claimed to have had beautiful deliveries. But then every now and then a story like Jill's comes along, and it gets me thinking. Maybe a birth like that is possible, maybe even for me? I can only imagine the sense of empowerment after pushing out your baby all by yourself, no help from pain medicine or anything. Now I know for sure I won't be delivering this baby at home, but the epidural I will give a second thought.