It's June! And around here that means not only nice weather and a general feeling of joy that summer has started, it's also the start of birthday season. Now I don't know what it is about September, but people sure seem to enjoy making babies in that month! ;)

We kicked off the June birthdays fest with my brother-in-law Marvin, who turned 31 on June 2nd. Sadly we couldn't make it to his little party because my baby overslept that afternoon (I know, when does that ever happen?!). And then there was the BIG party we'd I'd been planning since April: our little baby boy Tijl turned one on June 5th. All these thoughts flooding my mind that morning: I can't believe my failed attempt at a VBAC was already a year ago! It feels like him being a newborn lasted for all of one week. Was I really that big right before giving birth? Was I really that big after giving birth?! Happily these thoughts faded to the background as people started coming in to celebrate and our little one year old so enjoyed all the attention. Here are some pics of that fun day:

I made a birthday photo garland with pics from each month of his first year.

Big guy for a one year old, huh? Oh wait, that's big brother Abe trying on Tijl's party hat!

I Everybody loved these! So much fun to look at and they were delicious, too!  The idea is from Stacey at Elle Belle Creative

Here's what was left of those lovely cupcakes after Tijl dug into them! He devoured that thing in five minutes by the way!

I thought this looked so cheerful! I sprinkled photofetti on the table for additional festivity

Here's a closer look at the photofetti. Loved it.

And here's the birthday boy showing off his moves and his favorite present.

Coincidentally, he took his very first step (minus help from walker, that is!) on his birthday, surrounded by family. I thought that was the coolest. Only sad part is nobody had a camera on hand to capture the moment... Oh well, I'm sure there'll be plenty of opportunities to capture first (well, second) steps on camera and film in the weeks to come.

Moving right along to June 9th (yep that was yesterday), which is my and my dad's birthday (true story!). I am now officially 31, and that means I'll have to post my list of things to accomplish in my thirties pretty soon. Since yesterday was a weekday, we didn't celebrate much yet (aside from breakfast in bed, a gift from my boys, and going for ice cream after dinner...wait that sounds like a celebration doesn't it?), so hubby is taking me out tonight. Think dinner, drinks and a hotel. Whoop whoop! (do people still say that or is the fact that I just said it testimony to me getting being old??)
And on Sunday the festivities continue with a backyard gathering at my dad's house. After all, it was his birthday, too!

The 29th is my mother-in-law's birthday, and then we have one spill-over in early July, when our little man Abe turns four! We suck at planning because his due date was June 24th but the little party pooper stayed put till July 8th. I'm thinking he didn't want to share a birth date :)

And that's all the birthday goodness for a while for us. November is another crazy birthday month, but luckily that's still a couple months away. So for now here's a big Happy Birthday to all you June-ers (not really a word, I know..)!!!

This weekend, I enjoyed a rare luxury: I was home alone. And by alone I mean really ALONE. My husband took our two kids on a yearly father-son weekend along with ten other dads and their kids. I love that they do this. It really benefits everyone: the fathers get to enjoy a weekend with their kids without us moms commenting on how we'd like to see certain things done (guilty as charged...), the kids get a fun-filled weekend with lots of friends to play with. The dads choose a different location for the weekend each year, but it's always a big country estate with lots of space for running around and a trampoline and such.

Here's dad with the little ones back in October

And for the moms...well, it's almost like a retreat at home haha. Seriously though, I had been thinking and planning on what to do with so much me-time all at once for weeks. Of course I had crammed my weekend so full that I didn't get around to doing everything (hey, what else is new?), but here's the rundown of my blissful weekend.
On Saturday, I called a shopping day. How awesome to spend the entire morning and afternoon in downtown Amsterdam without a single worry about grocery shopping, cooking etc. I shopped for a wedding that we'll be attending next Saturday, and got myself some new make up as well. At seven I met up with my (single and free-as-a-bird) friend for an excellent dinner followed by a movie and some drinks in a bar. The next morning I slept in till noon! I'll admit I felt a little like a teenager then, but hey, enjoy it while you can. Sunday afternoon was spent working on some of my projects I'd like to have finished in the coming weeks. And then my wonderful husband and kids returned home, exhausted but having had a great time together. And I had missed them :)
And now the week has begun again and everything is back to normal, with the small (but oh so important) exception that my battery is fully (re)charged. Thank you dads!

Doesn't it seem that when you've just kinda settled in a certain way that change is bound to be right around the corner? Sometimes it's lurking, waiting to surprise you, other times it's change you've been expecting. Well, we are gearing up for some changes (of the expected type) around here in the coming months. Obviously our world was rocked by the arrival of our second little baby boy last June, and now that we're preparing to celebrate his first birthday, we've settled back into a nice rhythm. The change we are expecting now, is our older son Abe starting pre-school in September. Can I just say here that I am utterly amazed at how fast one grows from nursing baby to ready-for-pre-school. Really knocks-my-socks-off amazed.

Abe will turn four in July, thereby ending his days in daycare. Feels like yesterday when I first dropped him off there and left all teary-eyed; in reality, though, that was three-and-a-half years ago... I'm so curious to know how he'll do in pre-school. Will he be overwhelmed by going there every day instead of his two-day-a-week daycare? Will he like all the other kids? And his teachers? I'm also curious to know how his new schedule will affect our family rhythm. Daycare is super flexible compared to pre-school here when it comes to drop-off and pick-up times.
I will embrace the change (even though sometimes I wish I could stop time) because it it exciting, and it means we are moving forward and my little baby big boy Abe is growing. So bring it on change, we are ready for you!

My big guy (who had a "no pictures!" kind of day here) is a clean boy. Always has been. When he turned one, I remember being continually amazed at how all the other babies and toddlers looked so messy. Cute, but messy: snotty noses, morsels of food on their faces and in their little necks. And it wasn't like my baby was inside all day or just sat still; he loved (still does) playing outside. He just doesn't get very dirty doing so.

Baby no.1:"the norm" in cleanliness...

How he manages I don't know, but here I was thinking that's "the norm." Ha! I was in for a surprise...

Enter baby number two. From the very beginning he made clear that I had been sorely mistaken when it came to "the norm." This little man likes to get dirrrty.

Baby no.2: setting me straight

Really regardless of what he's doing. We can go through three or four changes of clothes, easy. Which, by the way, I stopped doing pretty quickly because I like my life outside of the laundry room. Now that spring is in full swing our little baby likes to crawl outside in the yard, which is lovely of course. We have a little lawn there that's perfect for him to play on...except he prefers the borders. Not sure my borders prefer him. On this day, though, I let him go at it. He totally loved it.

He ate all kinds of dirt, played with my (non-poisenous) plants, and just made a big old mess. Of course this required both a bath and a change of clothes, but that's alright. We had a fun morning.

Are you particular about your little kids' appearances, snotty noses, dirty hands, frumpled clothes? I'm learning to be more relaxed in that department, courtesy of baby no. 2!

Last June I celebrated my thirtieth birthday. Well, I didn't actually celebrate because I had just returned home from hospital after giving birth to my son four days prior, but it was my thirtieth birthday all the same. And in a about a month from now, I'll turn thirty-one. For some reason I feel like that is when my thirties really begin. And I'm excited about it I don't mind really, I just feel slightly unprepared. So, I'm going to do two things to increase my preparedness, 1. take a look back at my twenties (for closure, if you will), and 2. make a list of thirty things I want to accomplish in my thirties. I'm about halfway done with that list, but let's start with the twenties, shall we?

Here's what I did in my twenties (in semi-random order):
- moved away from home
- took a three week Route 66 road trip
- had an awesome time at college
- learned to cook
- met my future husband

- spent a semester at UNC Chapel Hill
- traveled to Australia



- lost both my grandmothers
- moved to Amsterdam


- bought our first house
- got married


- learned to like coffee
- discovered blogging
- had a baby


- lost a baby mid-pregnancy
- had another baby four days before the big 30



And there are many, many more events both big and small that defined this decade in my life. And it was a really good decade if I do say so myself!
Compared to the me at twenty, the me at thirty is not only older and a little heavier (drat!), but also more grounded, self-assured, a little wiser, more realistic, patient, and more empathetic. Glad to know I learned a thing or two there! I'm curious to know how I'll look back at myself at thirty as I turn forty in about ten years. Oh, and more on the "thirty in my thirties"-list soon!

On Monday I had the pleasure of meeting up with Gabrielle from Design Mom and her wonderful family in Amsterdam. They were on a spring break trip (they uprooted their family of eight and swapped Colorado, USA for Normandy, France for a year; how great is that?!) and I had offered to show them around town for the afternoon. We met outside the Van Gogh museum (six young kids and a trip to an art museum, I know what you’re thinking, but they make it work and man, those kids are a happy, well-behaved bunch!) and walked over to the Vondelpark for some strolling, playing, lounging, and lunching.

After showing them some Dutch stores (Hema!, Sissy Boy Homeland!) and a cupcake bakery for a taste from home, we parted ways. Our encounter left me eager to expand my family (patience my dear, patience!) and inspired to try some city tripping with my own little brood. My only regret? Forgetting to bring my camera!

note: photo courtesy of goamsterdam.about.com 

This week has been filled with emotions from both ends of the spectrum for me.
Today marks the second anniversary of the birth and death of our second son, our little boy Ben, who was born when I was 23 weeks pregnant. In the weeks leading up to today I felt a little anxious about this day because I never know how I'll feel. But then today arrived and really it hasn't been bad at all. Aside from feeling incredibly sad for having lost him, on this day I mostly feel blessed for having had him in our lives for 23 whole weeks and in our hearts forever after. Our family is also so sweet and never forget to call us or send a post card, which we appreciate immensely.

photo courtesy of Ellebellecreative

Love him!

I'm so happy that spring has arrived. Everything just looks better with a little sunshine on it. Granted, it also makes me want to clean house like crazy, but mostly I just enjoy the sunny warmth on my skin and watching the kids happily play outside.

So this should tell you a little something about how it ended up. Again. Unfortunately. Here's the part that came before:
My first labor ended with an unplanned c-section, and although at the time I was relieved that it was over, I was bummed beyond belief that I didn't deliver my baby naturally and felt like a big loser. This is supposed to be the thing every woman in the history of the world can do. Well, not me, and it took me months to get over the disappointment and feeling that my body had failed me. Now, three and half years later, I still think it would have been a great experience but know that in the business of being a mom, it really doesn't matter how they came into this world, for that is just the beginning.
Almost two years after my c-section, I gave birth naturally to a premature baby at 23 weeks. Though the circumstances were heartbreaking, the birth itself greatly empowered me. So when, a year later, I was due to give birth again, we decided I'd try a VBAC (vaginal birth after c-section). The doctors were on board with it and gave me a little over 60% chance of success. Sounded good to me!
A week after my due date I looked like this:


We decided I should be induced. So on June 5th, 2010, we headed to the hospital, feeling prepared and ready for things to come. After I was hooked up to all the machinery it appeared that my body really wasn't ready to give birth because I was not dilated at all and nothing happened for hours on end. Finally, I started having regular contractions. Still hours later I was 2cm dilated and they were ready to break my water in hopes of increasing the strength of my contractions. This is where things got hectic.
When my water broke, the doctor and nurse standing at my bed required a change of clothes, that's how much water came out, all at once (I guess you could tell from the size of my belly, there was a lot of water). Immediately my contractions became more intense, which was thrilling, but I was also ready for an epidural. Minutes after, the nurse checked my progress, but instead of mentioning the number of centimeters, she looked worried and said she would get the doctor in. The doctor checked my progress as well, and said that although I had gone from 2 to 4 cm in a mere ten minutes, the umbilical cord had dropped down in front of our baby's head (from the force of the water) and we needed to have a c-section, right now, because every contraction was preventing the blood flow to our baby. I was rushed to the O.R. and thankful I could stay awake for the procedure. Fifteen minutes later, our baby Tijl was born, a big, healthy boy who came out screaming (the loveliest sound to me).

Abe meeting his little brother

So, no VBAC for me, and this time I had to make peace with the fact that I wouldn't get another shot at it. Since this was my second c-section, I have now become a planned c-section mother. And it's fine. I've come to realize that what's important is that they are here with us, not how they got here. And although I will probably always have a little envy in my heart for every girlfriend and sister who delivers her baby naturally, I'm okay with it. And next time I go in to deliver a baby, I will have my hair and nails done, and get a facial the day before. And come out shining. How's that?

Our lives are hectic. It's a constant flow of coming and going, bringing and picking up, and then making sure dinner's done at six and everyone's bathed and ready for bed by 7.30pm. Sometimes this goes rather effortlessly, and sometimes (most of the time, actually), it requires effort, concentration, and patience.
Another day done, another day gone. Looking back at the pictures, I wish then I hadn't been so concerned with getting everything done right, or in time, but instead enjoyed the moment and been a little more relaxed. Good enough will do, it doesn't need to be perfect. I think Anna Quindlen articulated these feelings beautifully in her article "On Being a Mom," and this sentence stands out to me (though the whole thing is pretty darn good and worthy of reading!):

"I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less"


Gorgeous, right? I'm going to convert this sentence to present time and then hang it somewhere on a wall in our house as a daily reminder. Do you have any favorite motherhood quotes?

Hi there. I apologize for the mess. Here, on my blog. I've been switching templates (or attempting to, anyway) this past week, and finding out how to as I go. I'm not so tech-savvy after all. In the process, I lost all of my widgets and fonts. Sigh. I'll get it fixed. In the meantime, bear with me please, and here's one last pic of winter (as far as I'm concerned), 'cause this girl is ready for spring!
Have a good weekend!

our August 2008 wedding

Husband R. and I have been married two-and-a-half years now, and we've been together for eight. I sometimes find this hard to believe; our courtship feels like it was only yesterday. There's about a thousand ways you can meet your future husband and fall in love. This is our story.

It was the summer of 2002 and I was celebrating being single again (that's what you do in college, you celebrate). I had just turned 22 and had that joyful feeling of the world being at my feet. One morning, I awoke from a dream about my high school years. It was a happy dream, but left me puzzled all the same. In it I saw future husband R. walking down the hall of our school. --Here I need to provide you with some background information. Husband R. and I attended the same high school. He is five years older than me and so we had very little to do with each other. I thought he was wildly attractive and had a crush. In all those years, we only had one conversation, which lasted exactly one minute. It is etched in my mind. Back to my dream now.-- So, I was thoroughly confused when I woke up. It had been at least six years since I'd seen him and hadn't really thought about him after high school anymore. The dream stayed with me all day, as did a feeling of excitement about having seen him (well, in the dream at least). Finally, I decided that Google was my friend and looked him up (sounds stalkerish, no?). My heart beating fast as I found his name, photo, and e-mail address on a student association website. He was in college, too (not mine), studying civil engineering.

As these things go, I phoned a girlfriend to relate the story. "Why don't you e-mail him?" she said. I didn't dare. Then, one day later, I was feeling particularly brave, and without thinking twice, wrote the e-mail and hit send. Immediately I regretted this and frantically searched for a way to unsend it. Within 24 hours, he replied. The e-mail was empty. I replied once again and so did he. We re-introduced ourselves and told our stories of the past six years. E-mailing then turned to talking on the phone, which led to our first dinner date. That first meeting was surreal. Sparks flying everywhere as we shook hands. We hit it off. Six months after that, we became an item, and four years later, with the birth of our son Abe, became a family.

So, you could say we met online, or you could say I married my high school crush. I prefer the latter. What's your story?

I'm blushing. Turns out I wasn't able to function outside of baby-mode for almost nine months... Well, maybe not really that long, but in any case, life got in the way of blogging. So what have I been up to all this time? Mainly, taking care of baby Tijl, and let me introduce him to you here. Here he is, as a newborn, a four-month old, and now:

Yes, time flies. We are a few days removed from his turning 9 months old already and his personality is really starting to shine through. What he's like? A delight, a hand-full, rambunctious, smiley and full of life. I'll share more of our life with him as we go.
Something else that has kept me occupied lately is studying. I am working on my thesis to obtain a master's degree in American Studies. I've been at it a while (being a mom sometimes slows things down a little) and want to finish before summer, so I have my work cut out for me. It's good for me to be focused on something other than diapers and bottles a couple times a week, though.
So, there we are. If you gave up on reading this blog during my months-long absence, I don't blame you. And to those who patiently awaited my return: thank you, so happy to see you again!

Hi all,

As I am entering my final four weeks of pregnancy, I will be taking a blogging break. I had planned on blogging up to the final week at least, but my mind is quickly becoming absorbed by all things baby and this time around I am going to give in to that feeling. So, I'm going into fulltime nesting mode now, making sure everything is ready in time for his (hopefully timely) arrival. I will of course share the news (and pics!) when he gets here, and as soon as my mind is able to do anything else besides think baby thoughts, I will get back into the blogging game.
Here's to maternity leave! See you all soon!

                                          Photo of me on the due date of my firstborn

Are you familiar with the term babymoon? Originally, it refers to the period right after birth, where the new mom and dad spend time with their baby, bonding and getting acquainted. In the last couple of years, however, it has taken on the meaning of one last getaway together of the mom- and dad-to-be. Baby gets to tag along too, but in mom's belly.
I've never been on a babymoon but I like the idea, especially for first-time parents. Despite all the reading you've done and the advice you've gotten and the courses you've followed, there really is nothing that can adequately prepare you for the roller coaster of emotions you go through when your baby is born, and how he or she changes the equation (including the one of your relationship with your partner) in such a major way. And while I think it is beautiful that most couples can't wait for those final two months of pregnancy to be over so they get to meet their offspring, I can't stop myself from telling them to please enjoy these very last, very intimate weeks together being 'just the two of you.' Things will, after all, never be the same again, and if all goes well, the next time it'll be just the two of you, you'll be well into your forties (if not fifties). So, savor this time, and go on a trip to somewhere that looks like this:

While we never did that particular babymoon (I'm sorry to say..), we've decided to go on a babymoon of sorts this time, but we're taking the family. And by family, I mean not just our almost three-year-old, but my siblings and all of my cousins as well. Luckily, our family isn't that big, so it'll be a party of 11 in total, but still more than just the two of us. Also, the location will look nothing like that dreamy, lovely picture above. Instead, we are in for an activity-filled weekend at a family-friendly park that looks more like this:

In one of my previous posts I mentioned that we had agreed on a name for our baby boy. While I'm thrilled that this is the case, and that it happened relatively early, it has its drawbacks. With our first baby, finding the perfect name was a lenghty process that involved lots and lots of lists and discussions. We ended up writing down our top three names on a piece of paper and hashed it out over breakfast in a cute little breakfast place. After that, however, it took us a long time to really get used to his name, even after he was born.
This time it's been a little different. No real lists, no discussions. I mentioned a name I'd seen in a magazine and husband reacted by saying: "yeah, that might be a nice one." We pretty much left it at that and postponed the naming discussions until after the 20-week ultrasound. In the meantime (and ever since), though, when referring to our unborn baby, we called him "..." (the name we have in mind, not to be disclosed till he's born). This happened so often, that about a month ago, we decided it would be weird to change his name now, since we'd both gotten so used to it. A little too much so, as it turns out.
This weekend, my dad was over to help with the nursery when husband referred to our baby. Except instead of actually saying "our baby," he called him by his name. That's how much the name is in our system already. We were both stunned for a second and looked at my dad. He realized the mistake we'd just made and started to laugh, but was sorry that he'd not heard it properly. -Phew- We are going to have to be extra careful these last seven weeks...
I don't know about you, but I like to keep baby's name our little secret until he's actually born. Old-fashioned, right? What are your thoughts on this?

These days, I'm all about the garden. I'd say backyard, but since ours is pretty small (as in 11 by 5 yards...) I prefer using garden. Sounds more picturesque that way. With space being so limited, decorating and landscaping can be a bit of a challenge. Aside from not being able to have large trees (and how I'd love to have large trees!), we need to make choices all the time. Pergola or pond (going with pergola)? Larger sitting area or larger lawn (went for larger seating)? And these are the easier choices. When it comes to plants and flowers, however, I'm quite lost. Luckily I have a mother with a green thumb who is always happy to provide me with some expert advice.

So yesterday I enlisted her help once again, and we spent the morning in the gardening center picking out flowers and new plants to liven up our garden for spring. We picked out these climbers for the fence:

                                 Pink Clematis. Photo by RussG




Pretty, huh? They're not as big yet as the ones in the photos here, but they should be a decent size come June. We also got some new pots and white hydrangeas. These were our wedding flowers and so we thought we should incorporate them into our garden as well.

                                Hydrangea. Photo by WholeBlossoms


We spent the afternoon planting everything (well, mostly mom did the planting and I got to watch. The perks of being pregnant...) and my little one is proving to be quite the gardener as well. He loved watering all the plants and riding around a bunch of twigs and leaves in his wheelbarrow.
Next up will be building the pergola (again: watching the pergola being built by others) and hoping that our Bougainvillea survived the rather harsh winter we had.
Do you have a backyard? What are your favorite plants and flowers? I'd love to hear what your yard looks like!

Uh oh, writer's block hit me today... What to do? I've had writer's block before when I was in school and college, but that felt different because it usually involved boring assignments. Nowadays I can write about anything I want on my very own blog and find I have nothing to write about! I could do a post on some lovely things that I found online/in a magazine/in a store, but the thing about writer's block: nothing looks good enough to me today to merit a post. A quick tour around the blogging world convinces me that I am not alone. Question is, how do you fight or fix your writer's block?? In my case, writer's block usually means an altogether creative block as well.
So instead of writing something here, I'll ask you this:

Have you ever suffered from writer's block? When? What do you do to fix it?
Thanks for your input and I hope to be back with you tomorrow all refreshed and filled with inspiration.

Tomorrow, after five years of sleeping in our double bed, we are upgrading to a King Size. Turns out the double bed was fine for the early stages of courtship, but as our family expanded, we've been getting a little cramped. Cosy, but cramped. So I am absolutely thrilled about this new arrival and have been thinking about what other pieces in our bedroom could use an upgrade. I already got new night lights, and I can't wait to add a touch of paint to the wall directly behind the bed, which is currently a warm, dark gray. I'll hold off on the painting part until the new bed is in place, though, so I don't mismatch the colors. I also found these wall graphics online that I really like: