My big guy (who had a "no pictures!" kind of day here) is a clean boy. Always has been. When he turned one, I remember being continually amazed at how all the other babies and toddlers looked so messy. Cute, but messy: snotty noses, morsels of food on their faces and in their little necks. And it wasn't like my baby was inside all day or just sat still; he loved (still does) playing outside. He just doesn't get very dirty doing so.

Baby no.1:"the norm" in cleanliness...

How he manages I don't know, but here I was thinking that's "the norm." Ha! I was in for a surprise...

Enter baby number two. From the very beginning he made clear that I had been sorely mistaken when it came to "the norm." This little man likes to get dirrrty.

Baby no.2: setting me straight

Really regardless of what he's doing. We can go through three or four changes of clothes, easy. Which, by the way, I stopped doing pretty quickly because I like my life outside of the laundry room. Now that spring is in full swing our little baby likes to crawl outside in the yard, which is lovely of course. We have a little lawn there that's perfect for him to play on...except he prefers the borders. Not sure my borders prefer him. On this day, though, I let him go at it. He totally loved it.

He ate all kinds of dirt, played with my (non-poisenous) plants, and just made a big old mess. Of course this required both a bath and a change of clothes, but that's alright. We had a fun morning.

Are you particular about your little kids' appearances, snotty noses, dirty hands, frumpled clothes? I'm learning to be more relaxed in that department, courtesy of baby no. 2!

Last June I celebrated my thirtieth birthday. Well, I didn't actually celebrate because I had just returned home from hospital after giving birth to my son four days prior, but it was my thirtieth birthday all the same. And in a about a month from now, I'll turn thirty-one. For some reason I feel like that is when my thirties really begin. And I'm excited about it I don't mind really, I just feel slightly unprepared. So, I'm going to do two things to increase my preparedness, 1. take a look back at my twenties (for closure, if you will), and 2. make a list of thirty things I want to accomplish in my thirties. I'm about halfway done with that list, but let's start with the twenties, shall we?

Here's what I did in my twenties (in semi-random order):
- moved away from home
- took a three week Route 66 road trip
- had an awesome time at college
- learned to cook
- met my future husband

- spent a semester at UNC Chapel Hill
- traveled to Australia



- lost both my grandmothers
- moved to Amsterdam


- bought our first house
- got married


- learned to like coffee
- discovered blogging
- had a baby


- lost a baby mid-pregnancy
- had another baby four days before the big 30



And there are many, many more events both big and small that defined this decade in my life. And it was a really good decade if I do say so myself!
Compared to the me at twenty, the me at thirty is not only older and a little heavier (drat!), but also more grounded, self-assured, a little wiser, more realistic, patient, and more empathetic. Glad to know I learned a thing or two there! I'm curious to know how I'll look back at myself at thirty as I turn forty in about ten years. Oh, and more on the "thirty in my thirties"-list soon!

On Monday I had the pleasure of meeting up with Gabrielle from Design Mom and her wonderful family in Amsterdam. They were on a spring break trip (they uprooted their family of eight and swapped Colorado, USA for Normandy, France for a year; how great is that?!) and I had offered to show them around town for the afternoon. We met outside the Van Gogh museum (six young kids and a trip to an art museum, I know what you’re thinking, but they make it work and man, those kids are a happy, well-behaved bunch!) and walked over to the Vondelpark for some strolling, playing, lounging, and lunching.

After showing them some Dutch stores (Hema!, Sissy Boy Homeland!) and a cupcake bakery for a taste from home, we parted ways. Our encounter left me eager to expand my family (patience my dear, patience!) and inspired to try some city tripping with my own little brood. My only regret? Forgetting to bring my camera!

note: photo courtesy of goamsterdam.about.com 

This week has been filled with emotions from both ends of the spectrum for me.
Today marks the second anniversary of the birth and death of our second son, our little boy Ben, who was born when I was 23 weeks pregnant. In the weeks leading up to today I felt a little anxious about this day because I never know how I'll feel. But then today arrived and really it hasn't been bad at all. Aside from feeling incredibly sad for having lost him, on this day I mostly feel blessed for having had him in our lives for 23 whole weeks and in our hearts forever after. Our family is also so sweet and never forget to call us or send a post card, which we appreciate immensely.

photo courtesy of Ellebellecreative

Love him!

Okay, so I'm a bit late on this, but here's what our Easter looked like this year. We died eggs (the day before): 

Who left my camera in manual mode?? I took at least 10 shots before I found out...

That's more like it

I suspect I might have been more into this than Abe and his little friend were. They didn't like the waiting part much (I just kept gawking at those colors!), but that's a three-year old for ya.


On actual Easter Sunday, we hosted a simple brunch for our friends and their daughters. I always like having them over because they balance out our all-boy family nicely. 

I did some baking that morning. This is super easy to make!

After brunch, there was a full-on Easter egg hunt in our little backyard. It was actually the first time that Abe participated in an egg hunt, but both he and his friend had an awesome time and were proud to show off the results.

I'm so happy that spring has arrived. Everything just looks better with a little sunshine on it. Granted, it also makes me want to clean house like crazy, but mostly I just enjoy the sunny warmth on my skin and watching the kids happily play outside.

So this should tell you a little something about how it ended up. Again. Unfortunately. Here's the part that came before:
My first labor ended with an unplanned c-section, and although at the time I was relieved that it was over, I was bummed beyond belief that I didn't deliver my baby naturally and felt like a big loser. This is supposed to be the thing every woman in the history of the world can do. Well, not me, and it took me months to get over the disappointment and feeling that my body had failed me. Now, three and half years later, I still think it would have been a great experience but know that in the business of being a mom, it really doesn't matter how they came into this world, for that is just the beginning.
Almost two years after my c-section, I gave birth naturally to a premature baby at 23 weeks. Though the circumstances were heartbreaking, the birth itself greatly empowered me. So when, a year later, I was due to give birth again, we decided I'd try a VBAC (vaginal birth after c-section). The doctors were on board with it and gave me a little over 60% chance of success. Sounded good to me!
A week after my due date I looked like this:


We decided I should be induced. So on June 5th, 2010, we headed to the hospital, feeling prepared and ready for things to come. After I was hooked up to all the machinery it appeared that my body really wasn't ready to give birth because I was not dilated at all and nothing happened for hours on end. Finally, I started having regular contractions. Still hours later I was 2cm dilated and they were ready to break my water in hopes of increasing the strength of my contractions. This is where things got hectic.
When my water broke, the doctor and nurse standing at my bed required a change of clothes, that's how much water came out, all at once (I guess you could tell from the size of my belly, there was a lot of water). Immediately my contractions became more intense, which was thrilling, but I was also ready for an epidural. Minutes after, the nurse checked my progress, but instead of mentioning the number of centimeters, she looked worried and said she would get the doctor in. The doctor checked my progress as well, and said that although I had gone from 2 to 4 cm in a mere ten minutes, the umbilical cord had dropped down in front of our baby's head (from the force of the water) and we needed to have a c-section, right now, because every contraction was preventing the blood flow to our baby. I was rushed to the O.R. and thankful I could stay awake for the procedure. Fifteen minutes later, our baby Tijl was born, a big, healthy boy who came out screaming (the loveliest sound to me).

Abe meeting his little brother

So, no VBAC for me, and this time I had to make peace with the fact that I wouldn't get another shot at it. Since this was my second c-section, I have now become a planned c-section mother. And it's fine. I've come to realize that what's important is that they are here with us, not how they got here. And although I will probably always have a little envy in my heart for every girlfriend and sister who delivers her baby naturally, I'm okay with it. And next time I go in to deliver a baby, I will have my hair and nails done, and get a facial the day before. And come out shining. How's that?